I’m a 19 year old girl who got tricked into doing multiple porn scenes with GROSS men in their 60’s this past weekend. I’m disgusted, ashamed, and feel like a failure.

Well... I did it. Sorry this post is so long but really need to get this off my chest. I never thought there was even a small chance I’d have to resort to something like this, and I still can’t believe it actually happened. I feel like a total failure and I can’t stop thinking about how awful this past weekend was. The thought of those men being inside me is stopping me from sleeping and I cry all day.

My backstory: I’m 19 years old, and graduated from high school June 2019. I actually had great grades and could have gone to college... but All I’ve ever wanted to do is be an actress. I got the chance to come and work as an assistant for some people on Broadway, so I took my chances, moved to NYC and started working there.

Things were going mostly pretty well at first but I quickly realized that my salary was even worse than I had realized for someone living in NYC. I was really stupid and signed on my own apartment that I can’t at all afford, and am stuck in the lease until the end of 2021. By the end of 2019 I had started sleeping with sugar daddies I meet online to support myself. Mostly it wasn’t so bad - I was pretty lucky that most of those guys were relatively young and in shape. I did have to fuck a few men in their 60’s/70’s who were gross, but I just closed my eyes, let them do what they wanted to do to me, and told myself the sacrifice would pay off.

Then, COVID happened and in March, everything in Broadway shut down. I was laid off, and barely got enough severance to cover 1 month of rent. Basically, I was screwed. I tried to cover the rent by becoming much more aggressive with how many daddies I saw, but most of those men left the city when things got bad here and I quickly ran out of options.

Which brings us to now. Last month I finally hit the point where I literally couldn’t pay rent and now face eviction. I was desperate so I started applying for mostly nude modeling jobs. I finally got a call back for a job in Florida which paid a ton of money and seemed perfect - until about halfway through the call when I realized this wasn’t just nude modeling, it was porn.

I was about to say no when they told me that if I went to Florida they would pay me $6000 for one weekend of work. This would be huge for me given how desperate I am. I said I’d agree to it on the condition that I could approve who I worked with, know exactly what was expected, who with, and for how long, before going to Florida. They agreed and said they would send me a schedule of scenes, shooting partners, and breakdown of what I had to do for approval. They booked me a flight for last Thursday and told me I would have the schedule before then.

Thursday comes around and finally I get the schedule. They provided 3 scenes I would be expected to complete on Saturday, and it was all fine. Basically just 2 normal 1 on 1 BJ and sex scenes with 2 different men aged 28 and 36, then a BJ scene with a guy my age (19). I looked them up - all were in shape and good looking, so I had no problem with the scenes. But they didn’t include Friday. I called to ask and was told that was just a mistake and Friday would “probably” be 2 more similar scenes with the same guys. At that point I decided I needed the money and decided to pull the trigger and get on the plane.

Friday morning I was told to meet with one of the men I’d be filming a scene with who could drive me from my hotel to the studio. I met him in the lobby and he was great - nice, good looking, and did a great job of putting my mind at ease. I was actually starting to feel a little excited - I was definitely willing to fuck him, and was actually getting a little turned on at the idea of doing it in front of people. In fact, I was pretty happy I got to sleep with this guy and get paid to do it!

So we get to the studio, and walk in. I’m introduced to the camera crew, the owner, and some other girls doing scenes that day. They took me to an office room where they did the standard checks like STD tests, etc. Once that was done they said they needed to get the talent for each scene to sign off.

I should have realized something was off at this point. They told me they would start by having me sign my contracts for my Saturday scenes. So each of the 3 men I’d be working with on Saturday came in and we signed the contracts, and it was all good. Then they sent those men out and told me that they would do the Friday scenes next.

I was expecting one of the same men to come back in next - wow, was I wrong. After a few minutes who walks in, but the fucking owner. To paint a picture... this guy is probably about 5’10”, 250 pounds. He is in his 60’s, balding, disgusting neck beard, and I could smell him as soon as he came in the room. Suddenly I realized why they didn’t tell me who I was working with on Friday... it was him.

I basically begged them, even in front of the gross man I was supposed to work with, to let me do something else. When they wouldn’t budge I asked them if we could cancel the whole thing and they didn’t have to pay me, but they told me that I would be on my own to get a flight home, and that all the other scenes would be cancelled. I was trapped. And to top it off, the 2nd scene that day was a “grandpa gangbang” with me and 5 men in their 60’s as well.

I tried my best to get out of it but I realized I was stuck. So... I did it. For almost 2 hours I let this overweight, sweaty, dirty, pig of a man do whatever he wanted to me. And I let him do it to me in front of cameras, and with a room full of people watching. At times people would openly laugh and mock me for what I was doing. There was absolutely NOTHING attractive about this man. He was so fat I had to lift his stomach up so that I could suck his dick. And it smelled like death... in fact, I puked. When he was on top of me thrusting, with his massive belly smothering me and gallons of his sweat dripping on me, I was forced to look at him and pretend to enjoy it... but inside I was screaming and fighting back tears at the thought that this man was ACTUALLY inside me. Partway through he forced me to eat his ass and farted in my face... rather than check on me, everyone laughed and he forced my head between his ass cheeks further. And then just to hurt me more, halfway through the scene he, unannounced, put his penis in my ass. I hadn’t agreed to anal at all, and tried to tell him no, but by that point I felt like I was frozen. So I let it happen. For almost an hour I let this man, who by that point I hated more than almost anyone else in the world, fuck me in the ass for the world to see. By the time he jizzed on my face I was broken. When he made me lick it up and hold it in my mouth for pictures, I didn’t even fight back... I just did it. And then he made me sit while he peed on my face... I said nothing.

The scene ended, and I barely remember what happened. The man who had just degraded me beyond belief said nothing. I was rushed off to a shower, had my makeup redone, and less than an hour later I was standing naked on another set, surrounded by 5 men in their 60’s and 70’s, ready for a gangbang. And I felt nothing. For almost 3 hours I let 5 men, each 10-20 years older than my dad, do whatever they wanted. They didn’t care at all about what I said I wanted to do. They all fucked me, did double penetration, made me give them all rimjobs, and dumped 5 loads of jizz on my face. I let 5 disgusting old men with zero respect for me treat me like a sex toy.

The whole experience? Gross... so gross.

When the scene was done I took a shower and collected my money. $3000... for $3000, I let 6 old men take away my dignity, self respect, and completely own my body. That night I went back to the hotel, curled up in a ball, and cried myself to sleep.

The next day I knew I had to get through the 3 scenes I signed up for. The first 2 scenes would have been great - it was 2 of the men I had previously been told I would work with. To be fair to them, they were wonderful - polite, respected my boundaries, and professional. If all scenes were like that I thought, I could do more porn. But I didn’t enjoy it. Not one bit. Because in every scene, the owner was watching. And all I could think about was having to feel him inside me. It was all I could do to get through the scenes without crying.

Finally, my last scene came around. I was supposed to give a blowjob to the 19 year old. All I wanted to do was get it over with and leave as fast as possible to catch my flight home. I walked up to the set and my stomach dropped. The 19 year old was “unavailable” - and I would be giving a blowjob to the owner again.

Once again, I suffered through one of the worst hours of my life. He smelled so bad that sucking him off for an entire scene was almost as bad as fucking him. At one point I even considered offering my pussy but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. Finally, he blew a load of jizz in my mouth that tasted like battery acid. I immediately got up and walked to the shower. And he followed me.

He cornered me in the shower and told me that if I wanted to get paid I had to do him one more favor. At this point I was completely broken and told him to hurry up with what he wanted so I could leave. He took me to another studio set, and made me have sex with him again. This time, I barely showed emotion. I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of breaking me. So for another 30 minutes I laid there surrounded by people, letting this absolutely disgusting pervert, who I now hated more than anyone in the world, use my body as he pleased.

I ended up leaving Florida $6k richer but full of shame. I don’t even know what I’m going to do when videos of me fucking that man find their way to Pornhub or something. The whole experience was absolutely gross. I fucked no less than 6 old men I had ABSOLUTELY no attraction to. I let them do anything they wanted and it was all caught on camera as proof. Not to mention 2 more younger men fucked me as well...

The money has helped me become more financially solid but won’t last until Broadway reopens. I don’t think I’ll do porn again, but I’ve accepted at this point that sex with old men is going to be my life until this whole thing ends.